


If He Had Stayed

by sunsetrose20



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Gen, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:15:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23258287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetrose20/pseuds/sunsetrose20
Summary: Thor had known Loki liked to be on his own, and that was fine with Thor. He wasn't his brother's keeper; he deserved a break. And so a break Thor got.
Relationships: Loki & Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 53





	If He Had Stayed

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts, ideas, comments, and constructive criticism are always welcome.

“Loki!” Thor called as soon as he came in through the door.“I'm back!”

The house was silent. The crunch of every step Thor took along the house's wooden floor causing his breath to quicken that one bit, a frown creeping up his face.

Thor knew neither his father nor his mother were at the house that afternoon. His father had to stay late at work on Tuesdays, especially after holidays like yesterday, and his mother was at the house of one of her friends. This had been one of his mother's reservations about the trip. That no one would be able to pick Thor up at the airport.

Thor had been able to convince both of them that one of his friends, Fandral in this case, would have no problem with taking him home. And it was true. Fandral had joked with Thor during the drive to Thor's house. But it still had been a pain in the ass to make his mother agree. On the other hand, his father had agreed amicably enough.

The other reason why his mother had been opposed to the trip was more complicated and of a more delicate nature. His little brother, Loki, had been having a rough year. He was a sickly child by nature, but lately he had been sporting sunken cheeks that made Thor's eyes dart away. They were a reminder of all those nights spent at the hospital. Loki's gaunt appearance was more than enough to make people keep their distance. Loki had always been a strange child, always had trouble making friends, and it kept becoming increasingly difficult for him with each passing year.

With the announcement of the trip, a frown had screwed his mother's face, worried that since Loki relied on Thor for support, it would destabilize him to have Thor gone even for a few days. His father had not liked his mother's view, arguing that his brother needed to learn to go about his business without him. Eventually, Loki had been able to convince their mother that he was fine (he had been steadily improving for a few months, after all), and that he would not mind if Thor went on a trip to New Mexico with his friends.

 _I don't want to be a burden_ , his brother had declared at the dinner table the day his parents acceded to let Thor go on the trip. Ten days later, sitting at a chair next to a hospital bed, head in his hands, Thor would come to realize those few words should have raised red flags all along.

Standing at the foot of the stairs, Thor called for his brother again. His frown deepened when he received no answer. He knew his brother was home. He had to be. Loki never went out of the house unless he absolutely needed to. And with both their parents occupied… Well, there was really only one option.

 _What is he doing?_ Thor thought as he climbed the stairs, which, like the old wooden floor, creaked with his every step. Most things in the house were old. Most things like the floor and the stairs and the doors made high pitched sounds when pressure was applied, so it wasn't difficult to know if someone else was moving around, and as Thor called for his brother, he could not hear any kind of squeaks that would signal that his brother had heard him. Thor quickened his pace, the sound of his footsteps ringing in his ears.

“Loki.” Thor knocked on his brother's door once he reached it. One. Two. Three. No answer. “Loki, I'm coming in!” Thor warned. Still no response. Thor tried turning the doorknob, prepared to go looking for the keys, but his eyes widened at finding the door unlocked. The door opened without difficulty, only giving a soft squeak of protest at the action. His brother always locked the door when he was in his room, so could it be possible that Loki wasn't home?

No, it couldn’t be. The idea was inconceivable to Thor. Both their parents were busy, so where would Loki be but at their house? He didn't have friends with whom he could hang out, so why would he go out of the house? Being Loki's words, they served to further support Thor's certainty that his brother _had_ to be here. But more importantly, he knew Loki wouldn't want to miss the chance to welcome him home.

As Thor stared at the immaculate state of his brother's room, his heart pounded in his chest, worry grasping at him, grabbing hold of his confused thoughts. The bed left of the door was so neatly organized it looked like no one had slept on it for days at the very least. The desk in front of the door looked as meticulously organized as did the bed. But the detail that captured Thor's attention was the window on top of the desk. It was open, the curtains softly moving with the summer breeze.

Now, what was so important about an open window? For as long as Thor could remember, that window had only been opened when his brother was at the hospital. Loki, for reasons unknown to Thor, loathed opening that window and always, _always_ kept it closed. But their mother insisted on opening the window every time Loki was hospitalized. So each and every time Loki returned home, he went straight to the window and closed it with as much strength as he could muster before doing anything else. It was the first thing Loki always did.

For a few minutes, Thor continued to stare at the window in a trance-like state. Was his brother at the hospital? A cold sweat broke on Thor's forehead. Why did nobody tell him? But that could not be it, could it? His mother would have let him know. Thor's eyes darted across the room, searching for signs of his brother, and eventually landed on the bathroom door. It was open, too, and yellowish light was coming from inside. Thor rushed to the door, slamming it against the wall. Unable to form words. Frozen to the spot.

Thor had found his brother. Oh, yes, he had. But not like he had wanted to, no. Loki was curled into a ball on the floor. The scene didn't make much sense to Thor until he saw the open, empty pill bottle lying forgotten next to his brother. Too late for all Thor knew, he was kneeling on the floor, holding his baby brother in his arms, Loki's head lolling backwards as spasms ran through his body. Definitely not like the times before it.

The next hours passed in a blur. Thor wasn't aware of grabbing his phone, but one moment he had been alone with his brother’s convulsing body and the next there was the dazing siren and paramedics rushing into the bathroom. Then, there were flashing memories of riding in an ambulance before Loki's body was seized from Thor in a hospital hallway, leaving Thor staring after the flurry of white and blue that took his brother away from him.

Thor was a scolded child once more standing alone in that hallway, unsure of what would come next, staring unseeingly at the door keeping him away from Loki. Would things have been different if he had stayed?

Not long after, hands were hitting Thor's shoulder, the firm grip swirling Thor around.


End file.
